So, here goes-

I've been reading my archived posts about DB. I know realize the cons of an online journal of sorts. All of you know the bittersweet drama of me vs. the commitophobe. I . got closure at one point--or so I thought--but I'll get to that in a moment. The there was the Stalker (WTF was I thinking?? Humdrum happy isn't my cuppa) & then there's Crush. I said once I'd be happy if we stayed friends and I still maintain that. Sure, he's adorable, smart, funny & we get along like peas & carrots (his phrase-not mine) but I think though we have a lot in common and might be great as more it's not in the cards. Our lives aren't intersecting like that. And on a small note there was that night of debauchery...but onto important things.

Now, back to DB. He's my one. My friend and my safety net. Sure, I got closure several months back. Or so I thought. Maybe it wasn't closure but a break of sorts. We have talked just about every day for work and sometimes it ventured into personal talk. Though I'm not sure when it ventured back into uncharted territory. It could have been when he was on vacation with friends and calling me or when I got slightly tipsy this summer and sent a text that went along the lines of whether or not we're together I adore him. And I left it at that.

We've spent some time together in the past weeks and it was quality time. It wasn't like before. Something has shifted with us. I think part of it is the fact that when we had our thing last Fall I had not dated anyone in years. X and I had split up about 8 months before and being the living in the moment type of person I am I let myself turn into a woman I didn't like. I should not have gone into it like I did-Head first. He should not have come into it then either like he did too-Wanting to be with someone yet keep them at distance due to a past relationship going bad.

It seems as though our relationship has shifted to a different place-Somewhere it wasn't' anywhere near a year ago. I always come back to him. I saw him yesterday and I came to the realization that he's it for me. The look on his face yesterday at the point right before he kissed me said it all. As for what was said, I won't forget it but will hold it close.

It feels good where I'm at. I'm not anxiety stricken over a man that knows every dirty detail of both of my previous marriages & then some and still sees me for me. And it sure doesn't hurt that when he kisses me I get lost. Or the fact that he can pick me up without flinching while his mouth is locked on mine either.

Enough rambling for now. I needed to put this here for accountability & Kimmah.