So, here goes-

I've been reading my archived posts about DB. I know realize the cons of an online journal of sorts. All of you know the bittersweet drama of me vs. the commitophobe. I . got closure at one point--or so I thought--but I'll get to that in a moment. The there was the Stalker (WTF was I thinking?? Humdrum happy isn't my cuppa) & then there's Crush. I said once I'd be happy if we stayed friends and I still maintain that. Sure, he's adorable, smart, funny & we get along like peas & carrots (his phrase-not mine) but I think though we have a lot in common and might be great as more it's not in the cards. Our lives aren't intersecting like that. And on a small note there was that night of debauchery...but onto important things.

Now, back to DB. He's my one. My friend and my safety net. Sure, I got closure several months back. Or so I thought. Maybe it wasn't closure but a break of sorts. We have talked just about every day for work and sometimes it ventured into personal talk. Though I'm not sure when it ventured back into uncharted territory. It could have been when he was on vacation with friends and calling me or when I got slightly tipsy this summer and sent a text that went along the lines of whether or not we're together I adore him. And I left it at that.

We've spent some time together in the past weeks and it was quality time. It wasn't like before. Something has shifted with us. I think part of it is the fact that when we had our thing last Fall I had not dated anyone in years. X and I had split up about 8 months before and being the living in the moment type of person I am I let myself turn into a woman I didn't like. I should not have gone into it like I did-Head first. He should not have come into it then either like he did too-Wanting to be with someone yet keep them at distance due to a past relationship going bad.

It seems as though our relationship has shifted to a different place-Somewhere it wasn't' anywhere near a year ago. I always come back to him. I saw him yesterday and I came to the realization that he's it for me. The look on his face yesterday at the point right before he kissed me said it all. As for what was said, I won't forget it but will hold it close.

It feels good where I'm at. I'm not anxiety stricken over a man that knows every dirty detail of both of my previous marriages & then some and still sees me for me. And it sure doesn't hurt that when he kisses me I get lost. Or the fact that he can pick me up without flinching while his mouth is locked on mine either.

Enough rambling for now. I needed to put this here for accountability & Kimmah.

Attention All-Closure has happened!

I thought I was pretty slick and was going to be able to keep DB at arms length. No such luck-I realized that I had left my fleece at his house a couple months back and I needed it back. Desperately. I couldn't let it go-I covet this fleece hoodie.

So, knowing I dressed to kill yesterday I called him to see if he'd meet me after work to give it to me. Not only did I get my fleece but I was able to kiss him good-bye and realized there was nothing behind it for me. Woo-Freaking-Hoo!! I also got my sweet bit of revenge because it was said that he hoped I was changing before baseball because of all those baseball dads. Hehehehe..

So, in conclusion I got a favorite article of clothing back as well as closure and my heart is intact.

Well gang this is it..

He took a step. Albeit a baby step but a step none the less. Not only did he initiate a phone call today (*gasp* not a text!) but after some bonding over a common aggravation with my boss he got around to the real reason of the phone call. To see if I was free this weekend. He was rather pleased that I don't have plans for Friday night and that I don't have ball commitments until late on Saturday afternoon too. We'll talk tomorrow and 'firm up' plans as he puts it.

I'm trying not to let myself get carried away yet again over DB but it's hard. He has a way with me like no one else. How is it that this man can know so much about me, including my tendency to over analyze and over think, and still keep coming back for more?

Damn him for sneaking into my head and burying himself in my thoughts. I can't shake him-Not that I want to. Not just yet. I need a fairy tale for a little while.