Guilty Pleasures-

My latest & greatest: Army Wives on Lifetime Totally unbelievable storyline about army wives (&one husband) from different backgrounds who bond over the birth of surrogate babies. As far fetched as it is I must say it's got a great cast: Catherine Bell (Loooved her in JAG), Kim Delany (Remember her from NYPD Blue & Tour of Duty?) among many others I've seen with parts in CSI, ER, Shark etc..I'm totally into this show. There's something endearing and hopeful about it.

Lifetime

Happy Ramblings

I did the math. For the past nine days I have been happy. Not just in a good mood but happy. Verging on euphoric. This is not a normal feeling for me. Rarely, does this kind of happiness last more than a day or two. Believe it or not I'm not even waiting for the other shoe to drop as it usually does. I have not smiled this much in forever.

The only one thing I can pinpoint this to is Crush. He is truly a special person. We talk constantly. I could set a clock by his mid morning phone call during the week. Thanks to him I'm learning to take it easy and not try to categorize any and everything-Including him.


I will be happy wherever this may go. I'm enjoying the ride.

Choices..Choices..Choices..

What fun thing should I do this weekend-No kids, no baseball, no problem right??

-Day trip to the beach.

-Spend an afternoon by the pool drinking something cold & fruity from the blender. (Need to call neighbor to see if she's game since she's the member..)

-Go see Pirates 3-Me, a good friend, a Diet Coke and Johnny Depp

Beyond those my mind is a blank. Crush is out of town for the weekend so that takes away a very nice option.

The End-

Baseball is over. It was a bittersweet ending for me. Usually I cannot wait for the last day of the season but this year was different. I'm not sure why since we had so many problems as a whole (Board Of Directors bullshite). It could possibly be due to the fact that both kids played well, had great coaches, Turtle didn't need me hovering to make sure he was alright when Crash was playing, good friends..Who knows. All I know is that I miss it already.

In missing it I realized something of importance: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF THIS SATURDAY?!?!?!?!? I mean, seriously, I have spent every Saturday living, breathing and eating baseball since April! No boys, No baseball...What is a girl to do?? I'm scared.

PS-Did I mention All Star practice starts tonight??

Survey Whore-

Surveys, quizzes and lists. Three things I cannot pass up doing. So, thank you Kimmah, for the following quiz. For those reading if you want to answer it yourself do it in comments or on your own blog. Happy surveying!


1. Where is your cell phone?
desk

2. You're single/taken?
single

3. Your hair?
long

4. Your mother?
pagent

5. Your father?
strong

6. Your favorite thing?
beach

7. Your dream last night?
balloons

8. Your favorite drink?
vino

9. Your dream car?
denali

10. The room you're in?
office

11. Your ex?
alcoholic

12. Your fear?
height

13. Where were you last night?
baseball

14. what you're not?
blind

15. Muffins?
carbs

16. One of your wish list items?
floors

17. The last thing you did?
talk

18.What are you wearing?
crocs

19. Your pet or pets?
jack

20. Your computer?
lifesupport

21. Your life?
full

22. Your mood?
hopeful

23. Missing some one?
yes

24. Your car?
filthy

25. Your work?
crazy

26.Like someone?
crush

27. Your favorite color?
amethyst

28. When is the last time you laughed real hard?
hooters

29. Crush's first name?
secret

30. Dream job?
designer

What constitutes the game of like??

How does it play for guys? What are their rules? Does 42 minutes on the phone starting at 11:10 pm count? How about always returning phone calls? How about the fact that he has the same priorities as me when it comes to cleaning bedrooms? Clothes everywhere and an empty dresser..Yet the important things are at arms reach like trophies and momentos..How about the fact that we've had a running inside joke for like 2 weeks now? What about still calling me by a name that very few do even knowing the history of that nickname? How about answering the phone while changing clothes?

Even if I'm reading too much into things I must say that there's a lot to be said for making me smile. Especially today.

Attention All-Closure has happened!

I thought I was pretty slick and was going to be able to keep DB at arms length. No such luck-I realized that I had left my fleece at his house a couple months back and I needed it back. Desperately. I couldn't let it go-I covet this fleece hoodie.

So, knowing I dressed to kill yesterday I called him to see if he'd meet me after work to give it to me. Not only did I get my fleece but I was able to kiss him good-bye and realized there was nothing behind it for me. Woo-Freaking-Hoo!! I also got my sweet bit of revenge because it was said that he hoped I was changing before baseball because of all those baseball dads. Hehehehe..

So, in conclusion I got a favorite article of clothing back as well as closure and my heart is intact.

So..Nothing ventured Nothing gained right???

I was bold last night-Totally fearless (for me) in fact. Until my phone trilled and I had a response via text message. It took me several minutes to work up the courage to check it. After much thought I realized the response that was given was not what I wanted to hear but it was better. It isn't something that you text besides being too many letters for a text it is something to be said in person.

I watched him coach tonight. I forgot how good he is with the kids. I forgot about how passionate he is with the sport. At one point he looked over at me, grinned and I realized that I was gone.

Did I tell you he calls me by my nickname when it's just us talking? You know that four letter adaptation of my name that only those who know me in my online community and very few IRL call me? I don't know how he picked up on it or where it came from but it sounds good coming from him. That in itself is enough to make me melt.

Tonight

I kept the phrase 'nothing ventured is nothing gained' in the forefront of my brain. So far, no changes. Except the fact that I could melt for this one. Who am I kidding-I am. I have been bold tonight, we'll see if it works it my favor. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

It has also been a horrific night. One of the most special people I know at baseball resigned from the Board tonight. This man is overworked and under-appreciated. His departure was shocking for everyone in the room except the martyr acting power loving husband and wife team who don't have a brain cell between them.

I should stop drinking the wine and go to bed but the Sox and Yanks are tied and if they Yankees win then I'll scream

So much I want to say but

when I sit here to type it won't come out my fingers. I fear jinxing it. I will say this, I have never looked this forward to a board meeting before. Nor have I kept this quiet about someone before and if I want to be truly honest with myself I became a little wonky over him last year..

Closure-

I don't even want to look through this blog to see how much I mention DB or what I even say. Thankfully, when I started in my new beautiful journal I didn't include him. I will always always always have a place for him in my heart but I can't be with him. I just need closure, that's all. I used to think I just needed to kiss him one last time but I don't think that's it. That would be detrimental though I do dream of it still. Today I realized my closure is coming in the form of someone who makes me smile and thinks my boys are cool. In fact my boys think he's pretty cool too. There are no pretenses no tension and we may end up just being friends but that's okay too. I like his company. He may not know everything about me like DB does but who really needs to know everything? That's what best friends are for. Maybe that's what DB was meant to be to me anyways.

I know I'm a flighty Gemini who has gone through men-You don't need to remind me. I just haven't found what I wanted yet and when my stomach gets that panicky anxious knot I know to run-Which I do well. I enjoy debauchery from time to time too but who knows what the future holds. For now I'm just going to sit back, quit trying to figure it out, and let life unfold. I'd give up my debauchery for this one. (Am I admitting this outloud? I need to stop jinxing myself!)