You make me smile-

Some kind of light
at the end
I'm touching
the edge of her skin

Once so hard to speak
Now so easy to play around
Catching your eye you know
That eye that slapped you in your face
and called you a puppy
Well how do you say
I was hypnotized
Hypnotized

My words, they pour
Like children to the playground
Children to the playground
You make me smile

There's some kind of light at the end
Stoned, forgetful, and then
I'm drinking what used to be sin
And touching the edge of her skin

And could you be the one that's not afraid
To look me in the eyes
I swear I would collapse
If I would tell how I think you fell
From the sky

Yeah my words, they pour
Like children to the playground
Children to the playground
You make me smile

There's some kind of light at the end
Stoned, forgetful, and then
I'm drinking what used to be sin
And touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end
Stoned, forgetful, and then
I'm drinking what used to be sin
And touching the edge of her skin

It's the feeling I get
My palms with sweat
Like some kind of daydream
I'll never forget
I'm stuck in this spin
Why does it begin
By touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end
Stoned, forgetful, and then
I'm drinking what used to be sin
And touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end
Stoned, forgetful, and then
I'm drinking what used to be sin
And touching the edge of her skin

"You Make Me Smile" Blue October

One of my truly favoritest songs right now. It's the title, the words, the everything about it that I just love. It doesn't hurt knowing that it reminds me of someone that not only makes me smile but makes me and everyone around him feel good. He's a good man. (Which in my world means taken or gay.) Even as a friend he is wonderful. That is something that I have been missing for awhile.

I have always been one who associates music to life. It has always been my comfort and companion. I believe there is a song for every situation and everyone. So for now I am off to listen to my playlist for May since it ends today before I switch up for June! One thing is for sure though, I will not be able to lose this song from my playlist for now!

Ramblings on a late night:

-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is one of the best movies ever. Totally misunderstood. I love this movie. Every time I watch it I find something new. Note to self: Must buy this movie and quit renting it! (We still monkeys all the time. Right Lunchbox?? and BooBoo Kitty F*CK!!!) This movie has great lines.

-The bubs have been gone all weekend and will be back in the morning. I have missed them insanely but it's been a nice weekend.

-Working in my yard is a true stress reliever. I have found my nirvana. Now if only the leaves would disappear on their own.

-Jack the wonder dog loves the park and hamburgers--Though I'm not sure in what
order...The park has more squirrels than he can chase, and lots of spots to leave p-mail yet a hamburger has him on his knees.

-Text messaging-What is the protocol? Do you need to respond? Or can you just read and move on? Personally, I've been ignoring a few today. They're idiots and I just cannot respond.

-I cannot shake DB. Just when a weekend without my bubs comes up and I'm not thinking of him, why does he text me? Why does he take my stupid bait and take my 'If you miss me, call me and tell me." and call me?!?!? And not just call to talk he calls to tell me he misses me. I just wish I could draw a line and stay on my side of it or at least figure out how to get over him.

-Friendly or flirty?? That is the question. I wish I knew the answer. Though I'm enjoying the conversation either way.

-One of my dearest friends got married this weekend. I wish I had been there but I know she's happy now and her family is complete. She deserves all of it.

Haunting my email box-

and unfortunately it's still empty. Will I get a response today? Maybe. Or will I have to hold out until tomorrow and hope I hear back by then. Until then I'll just read and re-read the previous correspondence and and wonder if I'm reading too much into it.

Off to check my empty email box again. You never know, someone might like me today!

Speechless

If you can imagine that. Crash was pretty rotten this morning. In fact it would a better description to call him the anti-christ after this morning. I have been clockwatching today dreading the moment I was going to have to become a parent again tonight until I got a phone call from him.

In his smallest sweetest voice he explained how sorry he was and how stressed he was this morning over schoolwork and how he was really sorry and loved his mimi. *Swoon* His sincerity blew me away. It was then I realized that he's growing up and maturing. His apologies are more carefully constructed than they were when he was younger but no less sincere.

PS-I accepted.

In Honor of my Sweet Friend-

No words necessary.

And here's to you Mrs. Robinson

Hoo Ra for me. A friend of mine re-introduced me to the word debauchery. Debauchery..Debauchery..Let it roll of your tongue-It feels good to say..Debauchery is the extreme indulgence in sensuality..How I do love being debaucherous..(Is that even a word?)

Thank you to my sweet sweet SK...Please tell me you've been debaucherous too..I'd hate to think I brought sexy back all by myself..

Fairy Tales Bah Humbug-

That fairy tale lasted all of a nanosecond. I have been officially stood up. Not because he has his daughter or some other really good reason but for the fact that he's decided to get up a 4am to go fucking turkey hunting. Did I get a phone call? Nope, a text message.

Today has hit an all time low not only did I come in 2nd place (at least) to killing a f'ing bird I:

1. Got cursed out by my boss for something that I didn't do or create. The apology didn't help either. He crossed a line with what he said. If I didn't need employment this badly I would have walked.
2. Had to look at my pissed off X when he got the boys and his pissed off enabling mother. Guess they finally realized who's the boss now. Neither one of them.
3. My X owes so much $$ in child support and medical bills that if he paid me lump sum everything he owes I'd be on Easy Street for a little while. But of course you know business is slow...Of course he didn't pay it today.
4. My heart got stomped on once again. I should've learned by now.

I just can't catch a break.

Well gang this is it..

He took a step. Albeit a baby step but a step none the less. Not only did he initiate a phone call today (*gasp* not a text!) but after some bonding over a common aggravation with my boss he got around to the real reason of the phone call. To see if I was free this weekend. He was rather pleased that I don't have plans for Friday night and that I don't have ball commitments until late on Saturday afternoon too. We'll talk tomorrow and 'firm up' plans as he puts it.

I'm trying not to let myself get carried away yet again over DB but it's hard. He has a way with me like no one else. How is it that this man can know so much about me, including my tendency to over analyze and over think, and still keep coming back for more?

Damn him for sneaking into my head and burying himself in my thoughts. I can't shake him-Not that I want to. Not just yet. I need a fairy tale for a little while.

My Interview By SK

1. What is your warmest memory of high school?

I've pondered this question for several days now and I honestly cannot come up with one warm memory from high school. My fondest thoughts from that time always include my best friend at the time but they never occurred at school.

2. If you could only have one pair of shoes for the rest of your life, what would they be and why?

You're joking right? Only one pair? I may not be Imelda Marcos but I have an unhealthy addiction to shoes. I can't walk past a shoe display in a store without stopping to touch. It drives my poor kids crazy. They've even gone so far as to make me promise not to stop and look at shoes while out shopping..But I digress..where were we? Only one pair..That would have to be a pair of black Mary Janes. They're a classic shoe yet still look fashionable. They go with everything from jeans to skirts. Very versatile and way comfortable.

3. What's your favorite Neil Diamond song? Don't tell me you don't have one, EVERYONE has one - just fess up already and tell me what it is..

Call me generic and boring but it'd have to be 'Sweet Caroline'. No matter what mood I'm in this song always always cheers me up and makes me feel like smiling. I can hear him belting out the chorus now.."sweet carrolineee"...I'm off to download it now..

4. If you were to get a tattoo .. say, while visiting a rockin' mama in August, what would you get?

Well, it would have to have a special meaning as the only one I have has a special dual meaning. It would have to be something unique and symbolic. My current tattoo is the Celtic motherhood knot for the obvious reason and it also ties me into 2 very special friends who got the same tattoo at the same time. Every time I see it I remember our wonderful time in NM. And Miss D in her pink Diva glasses getting inked.

Does this question mean that a certain rockin' mama is wanting to get inked in August??? Because I could be swayed...

5. If you were stuck in a Groundhog's Day type of situation, repeating the same day over and over again, what day would you want to repeat? What did you do on that day?

After much thought, it would have to be the NM GTG. It was a magical time with my sisters (or partners in crime depending how you look at it!) I got to spend a short period of time with women who had been a part of my life for so long yet we had never met in real life. Between the beautiful scenery, watching hot air balloons at sunrise, Motley Crue, drinking margaritas and lots of wine or maybe it was playing "I never" or sitting outside smoking endless cigarettes talking into the night. This is what I want to relive-It was one of the most beautiful but shortest times of my life.

For those wondering it's called a chain interview. If you feel the desire to be interviewed by my (as I did by SK) just leave the comment 'interview me'and I'll oblige by emailing you your own questions and you can post your answers on your blog.

What I love on a Saturday..

1. Spending all day (albeit rainy) at the ball field watching the boys play.

2. Crash as Starting Pitcher and doing pretty good too. He's never seriously pitched before now but he did okay.

3. Watching 3 little boys play wall ball, giggling and doing boyishly goofy dance moves when they think no one is looking

4. Watching Crash crank the ball to the fence and slide and flip into 2nd base and making it barely in the nick of time.

5. Coming home after a day of ball and curling up with Crash to catch up on some tv.

6. Watching John Cusack in 'The Ice Harvest' with a sleeping Crash beside me and Turtle and his best friend giggling in the other room.

I love Saturdays with my boys.

7. Knowing that my kids may not be perfect but they are good kids and will turn out just fine. They've got me to make sure of that.