Throw me the Packing Tape & Boxes--

I'm moving. I need to start fresh and I cannot do it here. I need to focus on more than my unhealthy addiction/adoration for DB. I'll archive this and bring it over one day..Or just store it on my computer for personal perusal.

The writer in me craves a fresh page.

So, change your links, I'm G.O.N.E.

So, here goes-

I've been reading my archived posts about DB. I know realize the cons of an online journal of sorts. All of you know the bittersweet drama of me vs. the commitophobe. I . got closure at one point--or so I thought--but I'll get to that in a moment. The there was the Stalker (WTF was I thinking?? Humdrum happy isn't my cuppa) & then there's Crush. I said once I'd be happy if we stayed friends and I still maintain that. Sure, he's adorable, smart, funny & we get along like peas & carrots (his phrase-not mine) but I think though we have a lot in common and might be great as more it's not in the cards. Our lives aren't intersecting like that. And on a small note there was that night of debauchery...but onto important things.

Now, back to DB. He's my one. My friend and my safety net. Sure, I got closure several months back. Or so I thought. Maybe it wasn't closure but a break of sorts. We have talked just about every day for work and sometimes it ventured into personal talk. Though I'm not sure when it ventured back into uncharted territory. It could have been when he was on vacation with friends and calling me or when I got slightly tipsy this summer and sent a text that went along the lines of whether or not we're together I adore him. And I left it at that.

We've spent some time together in the past weeks and it was quality time. It wasn't like before. Something has shifted with us. I think part of it is the fact that when we had our thing last Fall I had not dated anyone in years. X and I had split up about 8 months before and being the living in the moment type of person I am I let myself turn into a woman I didn't like. I should not have gone into it like I did-Head first. He should not have come into it then either like he did too-Wanting to be with someone yet keep them at distance due to a past relationship going bad.

It seems as though our relationship has shifted to a different place-Somewhere it wasn't' anywhere near a year ago. I always come back to him. I saw him yesterday and I came to the realization that he's it for me. The look on his face yesterday at the point right before he kissed me said it all. As for what was said, I won't forget it but will hold it close.

It feels good where I'm at. I'm not anxiety stricken over a man that knows every dirty detail of both of my previous marriages & then some and still sees me for me. And it sure doesn't hurt that when he kisses me I get lost. Or the fact that he can pick me up without flinching while his mouth is locked on mine either.

Enough rambling for now. I needed to put this here for accountability & Kimmah.

Tag I'm It-

Let me start this with saying that I have not a clue as to when my dear Mama Kohl tagged me. So, here we go as I'm such a blog posting slacker.

RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

Eight things about me:

1. I can drive with my knees. Just ask Turtle. This is one of his big 'My Mama is Better Than Your Mama' items. In fact he horrified his Nana with those bragging rights not too long ago. BTW, I'm pretty damned good at it too!

2. I've become quite the reality tv junkie: Top Chef, Design Star, Rock of Love, Project Runway to name a few.

3. Kissing-I love it, crave it & could do it all day long. *With* the right person. Neither ex was into it (should have been a clue!!)

4. I'm repetitive-I guess it comes from being a control freak of sorts and a Mom. If I say it enough maybe it'll be done or obeyed. I drive everyone nuts with it.

5. Christmas Villages-I became a woman obsessed last year with buying the buildings to make my very own little village. So much so that I have half a town already & a farm. I even have the coffee house as my sweet friend knows it's her fault I became the addict I am. I even created a database so that I can just print & take with me so I don't get any repeats. (I even have the friggin' pond & skaters.) Call me D.O.R.K.

6. I saved my babies' umbilical cords when they fell off. They're in my jewelry box.

7. I can eat lemon chess tarts all day every day.

8. Chips & Salsa-They're a staple in my cabinet & fridge. I always have extra for fear of running out. The few times I've run out of either one it has sent me into an anxiety attack. Of course it is always late at night and I can't get them.

Now that I'm done I have to call out 8 people...I can't do Blu as I just read her list so here we go: Mama Kohl (Yes, you too Mama), Kimmah, Locos Pocos, Texas Chaos & KimmieD--Consider yourself tagged!!

Update Dammit:

Just like the EF Hutton commercial of years past: 'When Kimmah talks people listen' So in a nutshell-Or as close as I can get:

-We went to the beach with friends over July 4th and had a relaxing time. The ocean always seems to wash away any sense of negativity (though I haven't had that much lately.) and centers me again. It seems that it does the same thing for my boys.

-I got hit on by a married guy poolside at the beach. Did that part bother me? Not as much as the fact that he was totally shitfaced and was wearing a Yankees hat.

-Turtle turned nine on the 6th. My sweet little baby isn't so little anymore. He's tall and lean and is not as lovey dovey with me anymore. =(

-Crash's All Star team lost in the double elimination. Turtle's start up in 2 more weeks.

-Turtle & I went camping with Cub Scouts last week. We had a blast!! He went last year but I didn't. I tell you what it was so much fun that I cannot wait until next year! (Even though the 'Smother-er' was on the trip too.)

-Crash left for Boy Scout camp Sunday and won't be home until Saturday. I miss him though I'm enjoying my time with Turtle.

-I not only did 35 minutes of Stott Pilates tonight (Moira is awesome!) I did an additional 10 of an intense ab workout. I hurt in places I didn't know existed.

-Crush..Where do I even start with him? I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks, we haven't socialized outside of baseball (Except once with a group at Hooters.) yet we talk every day-At least once a day. I don't know whether to classify him as a friend or if I can allow myself to totally crush over him..I really want to crush over him..But I can't if he's not doing the same b/c I cannot allow myself to be fall again and be rejected.

-In fact speaking of crushing I just want him to kiss me one time so I can decide whether the crush is indeed warranted or if we're destined to be friends. Can I do that?

-DB is calling and pulling the sweet good guy routine. I'm not falling for it though....(Just kidding!) Also, my one and only Mrs. Robinson moment keeps coming back to haunt me. In fact I think most of it is due to the Crush and everyone's perception of us though part of it has to do with me not being interested and chasing. (Though I'd like to think part of it is due to me!)

-My sweet bestest friend, Miss T, called tonight and we finally got to talk. Just remember T, he's the sober version of my X. Also remember that he's a window licking, non productive fuckstick who is right back where he started his momma's. (Are we sure that he's not related to my X??)

Hopefully, I have fulfilled my updating duties and satisfied my favorite Drama Queen! :)

PS-If you find my digital camera please return it as there's 327 pictures on it that I need to upload..

Guilty Pleasures-

My latest & greatest: Army Wives on Lifetime Totally unbelievable storyline about army wives (&one husband) from different backgrounds who bond over the birth of surrogate babies. As far fetched as it is I must say it's got a great cast: Catherine Bell (Loooved her in JAG), Kim Delany (Remember her from NYPD Blue & Tour of Duty?) among many others I've seen with parts in CSI, ER, Shark etc..I'm totally into this show. There's something endearing and hopeful about it.

Lifetime

Happy Ramblings

I did the math. For the past nine days I have been happy. Not just in a good mood but happy. Verging on euphoric. This is not a normal feeling for me. Rarely, does this kind of happiness last more than a day or two. Believe it or not I'm not even waiting for the other shoe to drop as it usually does. I have not smiled this much in forever.

The only one thing I can pinpoint this to is Crush. He is truly a special person. We talk constantly. I could set a clock by his mid morning phone call during the week. Thanks to him I'm learning to take it easy and not try to categorize any and everything-Including him.


I will be happy wherever this may go. I'm enjoying the ride.

Choices..Choices..Choices..

What fun thing should I do this weekend-No kids, no baseball, no problem right??

-Day trip to the beach.

-Spend an afternoon by the pool drinking something cold & fruity from the blender. (Need to call neighbor to see if she's game since she's the member..)

-Go see Pirates 3-Me, a good friend, a Diet Coke and Johnny Depp

Beyond those my mind is a blank. Crush is out of town for the weekend so that takes away a very nice option.

The End-

Baseball is over. It was a bittersweet ending for me. Usually I cannot wait for the last day of the season but this year was different. I'm not sure why since we had so many problems as a whole (Board Of Directors bullshite). It could possibly be due to the fact that both kids played well, had great coaches, Turtle didn't need me hovering to make sure he was alright when Crash was playing, good friends..Who knows. All I know is that I miss it already.

In missing it I realized something of importance: WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF THIS SATURDAY?!?!?!?!? I mean, seriously, I have spent every Saturday living, breathing and eating baseball since April! No boys, No baseball...What is a girl to do?? I'm scared.

PS-Did I mention All Star practice starts tonight??